| deadpool sounds off, one two! |
[10 Dec 2009|12:53am] |
[THE MERCETTES: BEA, VANESSA, INEZ, LIL.]
SHOTGUN!!!!!
[MADELINE.]
I just realised that I don't have your phone number.
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| deadpool is feeling festive. |
[29 Nov 2009|03:54am] |
Mistletoe!
Mistletoe!!
This is like that episode in
I feel like arts'n'crafts week. So I'm going to build myself an intricate headdress. It's going to be fantastic, you're all going to love it. Did I mention that its main ingredient is mistletoe?
PS: I demolished that turducken, so John, I think you owe me $50. Or maybe you owe Remy $50. Now that I think about it, I'm not too sure how this gambling works. Poker is where my glorious expertise runs out.
OH WAIT, except that I do play a mean game of Dudo. And Daihinmin.
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| deadpool's miscellany, vol. 29. |
[12 Nov 2009|10:45pm] |
Why are clothes so itchy?
What does a man do with a sexy nurse's outfit that he isn't using anymore?
How much do you bet I can eat an entire turducken by myself?
I'm Canadian. I've already celebrated Thanksgiving.
Why wasn't I allowed to be a prince, goddamnit?
Life should be more like Ghostbusters and/or Scooby Doo more often. It's just a fact, dudettes.
If I attended Theresa's mutant alliance group club thingie, do you think I'd permanently ruin human/mutant relationships? I think I would.
Do you think I need a PR manager?
Then again, I pretty much make do with a really, really, really, really good dry cleaner.
PS. The catheter look was really really not flattering on you all. I'm so glad you went for the style upgrade. :]
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| deadpool is wary. |
[01 Oct 2009|11:57am] |
Power loss at the hotel?
Hoo boy, in that case I am staying way the hell away. Someone would probably take the opportunity to stab me in the face, and I don't know about you, but I'm only cool with seeing my insides if I know I can grow them back. Oh, plus: cancer. Talk about unfortunate symptoms.
So forgeddaboudit. I'll get back to listening to my new favorite album. And sunbathing. And scaring the tourists. In the meantime, consider yourselves officially Deadpool-Free™.
AND NO, HOTEL FUGEES, YOU CAN'T COME TO MY PLACE
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| deadpool likes a party like anyone else. |
[23 Aug 2009|02:29am] |
So I stopped by to check out your swanky new digs, and I gotta say, kiddos, Uncle Wade is disappointed. No slide down from the nineteenth floor? No helipad? No Zombieland theme park in the back? I'M STARTING TO SUSPECT WARREN NEVER READ MY SUGGESTION BOX COMMENTS, GUYS. I'm crushed. Just crushed.
Oh, and I'm collecting suggestions for birthday presents. Impress me. GO GO GO GO GO.
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| THE LEGEND OF THE FAT PRINCESS. |
[21 Jul 2009|11:05pm] |
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Speaking of lots of food. And video games.
http://www.gametrailers.com/player/50696.html
CAAAAAKE FOOR EEEEEEVERYONE!!
So, with that in mind, what consoles are available at this rickety excuse for a hotel anyway? Your gloomy-gums population looks like they could do with a pick-me-up. So I'm going on a shopping spree with my ill-gotten gains to get you guys some games. Tell me which ones to get. Pros and cons. Go.
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| attention, ladies and gents. |
[08 Jul 2009|10:15pm] |
I, D. Pool, have a variety of very important announcements to make SO LISTEN UP GODDAMNIT:
1. Anyone who is really really worried about getting jumped/violated/abducted/probed by aliens while on their walk home may enlist my services. That's right -- for a simple twenty bucks ($20), I'll make your commute both ultra-safe AND ultra-entertaining.
Though for an extra ten ($10), I'll shut up too.
2. Oh, by the way, it was my birthday last month. I turned 21. I've decided that I want some cake. I expect cake. You will provide this cake. And if you say "the cake is a lie", I'll stab you in the corneas.
3. The lovely Inez Temple is also turning 21 this weekend. I feel sorry for the bars we're going to hit. Literally! Literally hit.
4. LASTLY: Mutant haters to the left. Or, in this case, "haters to the ends of our fists". We're going to conduct a few investigations out and about town. Free of charge. Because something's rotten in the state of Denmark, and we intend to find out WHAT.
And plus, I've always wanted to "shake down" someone, Rorschach style. Isn't this fun??? It'll be the BEST. BIRTHDAY. EVER.
Maybe I'll even wear a colorful party hat. Sparkles optional.
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| deadpool polls for opinions. |
[17 Jun 2009|05:39pm] |
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http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/090617/koddities/us_dead_mom
So considering how many of us are sad, twisted, lonely orphans -- how far would you go for a Klondike bar, kidlets? I'll kill people for money, but I so won't wear a dress. Or okay, fine, maybe I'll wear a dress. If it's a really nice one. And shows off my calves.
Plus, this man is my new hero. I've composed a haiku for the occasion. Pay attention, please:
i hate brussels sprouts
i think that it really sucks
why can't it be meat?
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| wade is filled with righteous rage. |
[13 Jun 2009|04:59am] |
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MCDONALDS REFUSED TO SERVE US
THIS IS DISCRIMINATION
DIS
CRIM
INATION
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| wade is EFFING PSYCHED. |
[28 May 2009|11:58pm] |
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What. What. What. What.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30967440/
MINE.
I am flying out and stealing adopting adopti-stealing that adorable iddle widdle mutant kitty. Who's with me?
Also, completing your Deadpool's Friday Link Roundup of the Week Day Thing, please do not push the red button.
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| deadpool hops back on the bandwagon. itty bitty baby steps. |
[22 May 2009|11:20pm] |
[Yet Another Mental Conversation, continued from here. He's lounging on the beach, waiting for Madeline to get 'home'; sunshine drips through everything, colouring every hue of his thoughts. And he is, in fact, wearing penguin-patterned swimming trunks.]
Sooo. We're living together, huh?
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| wade tries damage control, again. |
[29 Apr 2009|04:01pm] |
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HIP HIP HUZZAH I'M BACK AND I'M TOTALLY OKAY GUYS, MY ARM REGEW ITSELF, YOU CAN STOP WORRYING ABOUT ME NOW, thanks for all your concern and well-meaning postcards but I'll be awesome (or at least awesomer) from now on!
Or---wait, I didn't get any well-meaning postcards. You all suck.
And man, it figures someone would only crush on me when being psychotically psycho-manipulated. Typical. A+, standard for my life.
Angelica's okay now. But then again, my definition of "okay" really doesn't match up to any of yours on a good day, so... probably someone else should take a look at her when I get her back to the hotel? I don't know, I'm not used to this---"first aid" thing. First aid. Feeerssst ayyyd. What IS that??
P.S. Poker night this Friday, you know who you are.
P.P.S. I have had a really eventful few days. Ask me about it and I'll be sure to give you some informational literature.
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| deadpool is grief-stricken. |
[26 Apr 2009|04:05pm] |
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HA HA HA HAHAHA HAHAH CANCER ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME HAHAH
ours is a cruel and meanie god
whyyyy
If but some vengeful god would call to me / From up the sky, and laugh: "Thou suffering thing, / Know that thy sorrow is my ecstasy, / That thy love's loss is my hate's profiting!"
Oh, Hardy, you are my homeboy
It's official: I am fate's bitch. But rest in peace, my sexy queen. May you wrestle dinosaurs in blessed fields everlasting. I'm going to wear an apron and hold a little service out back. And dig out my DVDs. It is the least she deserves.
LATER EDITED IN:
( Private to Vanessa and Inez. )
( ~Mental pingback to Madeline. )
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| wade can do the thoughtful poignant private thing too. no, swear. |
[15 Apr 2009|01:17pm] |
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( PRIVATE. )
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| wade likes oddities. |
[11 Apr 2009|02:05pm] |
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oddee.com, kids. Have at it, courtesy of Uncle Wade.
I'm reading up on and seeing pictures of totally awesome things like 10 Unfortunate Cakes ("it a gril" and "best of fuck" are my faves), 10 Most Creative Bras, 15 Failed Predictions about the Future, 7 Most Bizarre Skin Conditions (jhgjsfj I want to meet smurfman---- and weak stomachs beware, but if you can make it to the last one it's beautiful), 15 Amazing Body Paintings (NSFW), and then there's the 10 Insanely Titled Books. Jeez louise. If I'd had the Fuckin' Concrete Contemporary Abstract Algebra Introduction book, maybe I'd have graduated high school.
How to Good-bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way? by Hiroyuki Nishigaki
"I think constricting anus 100 times and denting navel 100 times in succession everyday is effective to good-bye depression and take back youth. You can do so at a boring meeting or in a subway. I have known 70-year-old man who has practiced it for 20 years. As a result, he has good complexion and has grown 20 years younger. His eyes sparkle. He is full of vigor, happiness and joy. He has neither complained nor born a grudge under any circumstance. Furthermore, he can make love three times in succession without drawing out."
Sign me up. Actually, I want practically every single book on this list.
And, of course, there's the more Wadesque parts of the bloggy blog blog collection: 10 Worst Plastic Surgery Disasters (never get surgery, my little darlings, you are already beautiful and unique snowflakes), 10 Excruciating Medical Treatments from the Middle Ages, 10 Most Frightening Torture Techniques from the Middle Ages, and 8 Most Horrible Tumors.
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| doing his best to calm the situation. his best is not very much. |
[01 Apr 2009|09:17pm] |
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| WADE IS A SLUMDOG, WADE IS A WRESTLER, HE'LL RENT THE READER |
[25 Mar 2009|11:10pm] |
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First: Oscars, my sweet sweet love, never leave me again. It was a scary time, baby, I know! We'll never be parted ever again! I'll cradle my Wall-E DVD and ogle my Kate Winslet poster before I let them take you from me one more time. Hubba hubba.
And go Heath Ledger, as predicted, but goooo comic book movies. Something in my soul stirs with pride at the idea. And I think it's high time I became a slumdog millionaire of my own. Hey, cyberpaths, can I use you guys as my phone-a-friend once I hit Which Mutant Wants to Be a Millionaire?
I made $41 off the Oscar pool at my local merc friendly neighborhood hangout, though, so at least there's that, my spunky comrades. Nom nom, disposable income.
And second, and more importantly -- in 2009, I have DONE IT two more times than you! Give it up, what what! Do not leave a brother hanging! WOO! *
* It's a Liz Lemon quote, for you philistines out there. **
** OR IS IT.
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| wade is officially back in samo. |
[13 Mar 2009|10:35pm] |
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Did you miss me? Of course you did.
If you want to express your gratitude, kids, what you can do is buy me this. Just sayin'.
I have some things I need to do, but I'll be by the hotel later.
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